Ta Ta Toronto!

(First off; I’d like to thank everyone who’s sent their best wishes to yours truly over the past week and a bit.  Although I don’t have such a fabulous story like brandy going to my friends service, I did have the chance to spend quality time with the sisters I haven’t seen in a long time, and my friend who passed had that ability to bring people together in life and in death. So again, thank you for your support and for your patience!) 

“Maybe this, possibly that, all we ever had was maybe.” – Carrie (in her recent conversation with Toronto) 

I don’t know how long some of you have been following my little blog, but early on in my writing I often spoke of Paris, now Toronto, a man I had an on-again/off-again/are we/aren’t we kind of thing.  Intense conversations, ridiculous flirting, innuendos galore were exchanged for over a year and a half… until I realized that if he hadn’t made a move (especially after I had put myself out there and ask for a dinner date only to be given a rain cheque and the old ‘its not you its me’ excuse) then the only move that would be made would be me… moving on.   

Of course, I did so after drunkenly admitting that Toronto broke my heart… at my company’s office holiday party that also saw me running away from a lascivious gentleman offering me a foot massage in his hotel room, and another lascivious man saying to everyone within ear shot (including the company’s COO) that he “wasn’t expecting her to be so beautiful.”  Ahem.  So needless to say, it was quite a party.  You can read it all here for the down and dirty if it pleases you to spend time well wasted. 

Anyhoo, it took me a long time and a lot of kind words from friends to realize what kind of person Toronto was; at first he was everything that I had hoped for… until I learned that he was the textbook personification of the ultimate ‘emotionally unavailable’ man.  With him, everything was puzzles, hidden meanings, Freudian slips, misinterpreted actions and looks… it really was all a game.  A game where the rules kept changing, the players kept stepping in and out of the ring, and the lights kept flickering on and off.  To make matters worse, it was a game where Toronto clearly had the upper hand and enjoyed every minute of it. 

After the holiday party I had decided to accept Corporates’ offer; and I am so glad I did.  No games, no tricks, no flash.  Just him.  It was the one thing Toronto couldn’t offer me, and the only thing I wanted from him.   

I could tell that Toronto sensed me moving away from him; seriously it’s like these guys have a freakin’ radar.  He began to try and play those games with me again; making it seem like he had something deep and hidden that he’s wanted to tell me, but when given ample chance… just couldn’t.  And as I moved on in my relationship with Corporate and with my life, I found and find it harder and harder to stop my eyes from rolling and letting out an exasperated sigh from my Aveda glazed lips whenever he tries to pull me back into his little game of Carrie and Mouse.   

I’m writing about this because… well, I’m back at work where it all started.  He and I have chatted a bit, but the butterflies that he used to give me are no where to be found.  The nervousness and excited-ness that used to arise every time my phone rang and it was his id that popped up on my screen.  Don’t get me wrong here; he and I still talk and laugh and joke like we used to … but his charm is no enough to lead me back into his labyrinth where every word is lined with a double meaning.  And let me tell you… it felt damn good.


~ by Carrie on December 22, 2007.

6 Responses to “Ta Ta Toronto!”

  1. Congratulations sweetie … sounds like a tie well broken.

    Have a great holiday season, even though are working.


  2. It does feel good doesn’t it! I’m so happy that you’re where you are with this guy … it sucks to still be hung up on someone.

  3. And Merry Christmas!

  4. Hey Carrie, glad to see you back and posting! And I’m sure it must have felt good to be SO OVER him. I’m a bit late on the Merry Christmas, but Happy New Year!

  5. @ George ~ Haha more like ‘should be working’… but thank you!!

    @ Airam ~ It feels SO good I may just go out and buy a pair of shoes!

  6. @ Miriam D ~ Thanks; the break was too long but necessary. Happy New Year to you too!!

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