Everybody’s Getting Married…

… and I’m just eating cake

(Forgive me: this is a slightly drunken post. Who knows? I might take this down this morning (read: afternoon)).

I recently got word through the ever lovely Facebook that a former co-worker and a current co-worker in Western Canada are engaged to be married next year. Now, this event by itself would be no reason for me to sit down and write after a few drinks (and yes, cake) with some friends this lovely Saturday evening, but this engagement announcement/marriage is just one of the seemingly endless train of marriage that has suddenly hit me out of the blue. It’s as if turning 23 and over opened up the flood gates of marriage and babies and joint bank accounts… A clique I knew existed but never really experienced until recently. And now that I think (haha; I use that term lightly right now) about it, it’s a clique that some members of society are guilting me to join, or at least to start to think about joining before it’s too late.

Let me elaborate: my dear friend Nicole almost always brings up the subject of marriage when she speaks of her boyfriend Breyer… perhaps because of their difference in religion, but either way, marriage between them seems to come up in every breakfast or other food date we have. She also brings it up when speaking to me about Corporate, and to Mackenzie when speaking to her about her single-and-fabulous lifestyle, and to Brooklyn for her own twist on the single-and-fabulous lifestyle she leads. Angelica in her newly-wed state reaches out to fellow newly-weds to share in the joy and frustrations and memories only former brides have with each other. Brides-to-be like my friend… let’s call her Mary-Jane, who is my age by the way, speak in a seemingly foreign language ever since the rock was placed upon their finger, and their thoughts are consumed with wedding plans to the point where you simply just want to scream.

It also makes me wonder; although I support and celebrate the choices they make in their lives regarding marriage… when I return their well-intentioned questions of my own ‘apparent’ impending nuptuals with the decision that Mackenzie and I made to have a ‘minimum age of marriage’ (which, by the way, is 26), I’m given this look… not quite pity, not quite shame, but somewhere in the middle; like I’ve somehow become less-mature in their eyes, less worthy of participating in ‘adult’ conversations, not quite ready to step into the shoes of a ‘grown-up’. All because I’m still a “Miss” and not a “Mrs./Ms”?

I should say this now: I love Corporate. I really do. But at 23 and still in school, with more school to follow and more things I need to do, I can honestly say that I am in no rush to get married; to get that piece of paper, to have that final argument over the Name Game, to ‘settle down’ and live a white-picket-fence life. And there is nothing wrong with that.

Young marriages are romantic and exciting – but they are also complicated and riddled with challenges that I don’t think I am quite marture enough to handle. I, like many of my friends, are but strangers in this world, and are far too young to enter into such a commitment where knowledge of self and of others is key to making things work. If you are ready for marriage at 24,23,22,21… Then all the more power to you. But that’s not me. And I think that is ok.

At the end of the day, it’s that simple…. dare I say it; a piece of cake.

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~ by Carrie on October 14, 2007.

3 Responses to “Everybody’s Getting Married…”

  1. I’m not married at 29. I bet your friends would pity me to no end.

  2. Aww Carrie, I know.

    Whenever I tell my friends that I have something exciting to tell them, the first things they squeal are questions about my getting engaged and ever time I tell them that’s not the case they’re slightly deflated. It’s a strange expectation to be put up against all the time.

    I can’t help but feel that a lot of the time for young brides there’s tremendous pressure and excitement around the process of getting married (ie. party planning) and not a lot of thought put into the excitement of actually being married to that one person.

    Seems to be sort of missing the point!

  3. I have an absolutely lovely and beautiful friend who is 37 and has not married. She doesn’t feel any worse for it. Sh eisn’t even living with a guy and likes it like that.

    One of the biggest steps you will ever take should not be one taken to accomodate family and friends, to stop the wayward looks or snide comments. You do it when it feels right for you and whomever

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