Declaration of Independence


Are all relationships, like people, created equal?

Yes my friends, it’s true. Your beloved Carrie has found herself in a relationship –her first in almost a year and a half. Suffice to say that I am a bit rusty in this area… I’m still getting used to and don’t think will ever get used to the concept of being someone’s girlfriend without the stigma that it’s had for me and many of my girlfriends over the past few years. Don’t get me wrong here; I’m not miserable in the fact that I have a boyfriend- it’s nice. It’s just that after being single and fabulous for so long, I can’t help but wonder how I and others adjust to the relationship world just as we were enjoying the single life?

I know a lot of people spend the majority of their single life searching for the one who will ‘rescue’ them from their supposed lonely and sad existence. I, on the other hand, never believed that. I believed in celebrating the single life for every minute of it – for we are lucky to have such freedom and endless possibilities in front of us. Not to mention the awful but so funny dates I went on, and might I add, after experiencing the good, the bad, and the as if of the dating game, it makes me appreciate more the good men who are out there. Especially when you have someone to call after a bad day, or someone to bring to a formal event, or someone to do nothing with is lovely, calming and stabilizing.

Except, of course, when you’re a twenty-something. Perhaps it’s just me and my weird understanding of relationships but sometimes, and irrationally I might add, serious long-term relationships begin to look like lace-covered forms of entrapment. Sometimes it signals the end of so much – many ideas that I know will never happen but the possibilities were often enough to keep me going. Maybe because I’ve been in relationships like that and maybe because I’ve seen my girlfriends fall into relationships like the ones I am describing – most recently one particular girlfriend, let’s call her Nicole. Don’t get me wrong here, she seems happy most of the time and when she’s happy I am happy – but we hardly ever get to see each other because she’s with him and even when we do get to see her, her man is never far away.

I was thinking about this on my way home from the gym – My inner city escape from school, work and people in general – how much I enjoy and value my ‘me’ time. I never understood how some of my friends who are in relationships can go from work to their significant other without a break in between to do the things that they need to do – alone. I mean, I enjoy the pleasure of Corporate’s company, but I also enjoy the pleasure of my own. As I had mentioned before I never had nor will I ever need another person to validate my existence, regardless as to whether or not I was in a relationship or not. I ended up asking myself if I could retain my sense of independence while being in a relatively committed relationship.

I decided to give Corporate another chance partly because I never stopped caring for him and partly because he was my most sane relationship. When he lived in the city our relationship was consuming… and yes, it got boring. Monogamy became monotony. We were too young for such a serious relationship that with age came every day responsibilities such as work, bills, kids and well-developed lives that prevent relationship-overkill. But this time around, with him 2 and later on 4 hours away from me with a job, separate friends and ‘adult’ responsibilities, maybe monogamy won’t become monotony. Maybe this is the perfect relationship.

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~ by Carrie on March 16, 2007.

3 Responses to “Declaration of Independence”

  1. I’ll bet you’re the kind of girl, though, that goes the extra mile for her freinds. There’s no rule that you have to be the girlfriend who’s attached at the hip to her BF, right? Why not continue being fabulous and fun with your friends, minus the dates with men that aren’t your BF?

  2. I don’t ever want to be the GF who is permanently attached to her BF… although it’s what kind of happens when couples ‘go out’ together. At least, this is what I have noticed. I could very well be wrong.

    Yeah – I don’t really go out on ‘dates’ with men who are not my bf anymore; I go out to dinner with male friends all the time but it’s not a ‘date’ – They know it and I know it!

    I just seems kinda hard to be fabulous and fun with your girlfriends because they always want to bring their boyfriends… Hm.

  3. Dang, so you’re off the market, huh? WOW. And they say when you leave town you really dont miss much. God. But anyways, congratulations! For reals! It’s good that you found someone. Not that you need someone to make your existence known, but it’s good you found someone to be with. It’s always good to hear when two people fall in love. I’m totally happy for you. Maybe like 1% jealous, but really what’s 1%?

    And I know this has nothing to do with this post, but I just had to tell ya…LOL! When you wrote “I mean, I didn’t sleep with him (come ON! In a car? I don’t think so)” I was kinda thinking you would. I know, I know! You’re a classy girl and I should’ve known better! But I think it has something to do with the fact that I’ve been watching way too much porn. What? Dont judge me…you have a guy! LOL…leave me and my 2% jealousy alone…anyways, moving on.

    Dude, why do you name your friends after cities? Doesnt it get confusing? I mean, what if you traveled to Vegas with Vegas and said, “Vegas is wonderful.” Would that mean the city or the beau? Yeah…kinda confusing. Hopefully, I’ll be able to understand. Anyways, again, congratulations with you and Vegas and dont mind my 10% jealousy. It’s just talk.

    P.S. It’s good to know you’re not a sinner of the cardinal rule, “Thou shall not forsake thy friends.”

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