The Feral Factor

I have decided, among other things, that the outside world and its population of twenty-something men think me and most of my girl friends as some sort of Amizonian-type women. Seriously: most of the guys I’ve dated thus far have treated, or revered me I should say, as they would a wild animal, and although yes I am “wild” in the sense that I am unpredictable, spontaneous and can change my mind in the blink of my DiorShow covered eye-lashes… I wouldn’t go as far as classifying me or better yet responding to me like a tiger in a cage.

Here me out here: it is an accepted concept that men aren’t too sure how to act around women… anybody watch ‘Everybody Loves Raymond’ or ‘The King of Queens’ or any other crappy sitcom of that sort? Don’t get me wrong here, it’s the same with women… sometimes I am unsure about how to act around men and quite often manage to come off as either Carrie the Ice Queen or Carrie the Moron. So, as a twenty-something female, and more importantly a twenty-something female in a science field, I find myself categorizing the behaviour that I have experienced with the men I have dated… in the sense that it was either completely clueless or completely bogus. He either had no idea how to behave or act around me, or he had a twisted idea of how to treat me.

Granted nobody comes with an instruction booklet, but it has come to my attention that the twenty something men I’ve managed to find myself in a relationship with either have no idea or a freak show idea as to how to treat a Manolo-lite such as myself. So instead of observing how good men treat their women (and ladies you too… observing good women treating their men) he acts in 2 different ways: he is either too shy or too nervous to make a move on a “wild” and undomestic goddess, or he’s too confident and thinks he knows exactly how to treat a “wild” and undomestic goddess.

Both of these traits make up what I like to call the Feral Factor.

A new breed of woman creates a new breed of man, and vise versa… which in turn creates a new set of behaviours. These behaviours can be seen in both men and women, and I’ve seen them in action. So far I have experienced 2 Feral Factors and both have successfully prevented or ended a relationship… factors I wish to share with you today.

Feral Factor 1 = The Avoidance tactic. From far away he learns and observes, keeping his distance physically, mentally and emotionally, all the while getting close enough and far enough to want more. In other words, these men successfully become intimate with women either physically, mentally or emotionally.. or all 3 if he is really good, without actually becoming intimate; he observes but never really enters your world. He lures you in with charm and ease… but never cares to remove the bars that prevents you from truly becoming one.

Feral Factor 2 = The trap and tame. Not only does this guy let you into his world, also luring you with charm and ease, but he slowly and deliberately begins to take over yours and eventually makes it his own. Domestication soon follows, along with a sense of learned helplessness, where what’s yours is his and what used to be yours isn’t really necessary in this new world he created with reminants of you in it.

Obviously Feral Factor 2 relates to my exs who couldn’t take NO for an answer… at least not from me. Thats when you rely on the service of your local police force, as they are there to serve and protect. Remember gentlemen and ladies, stalking is illegal. Any man or any woman who believes that Feral Factor 2 is a correct or good way to treat a significant other is wrong: a relationship is not a commit or be committed situation. Each person is “wild” in the sense that they are free; free to chose, free to stay and most importantly free to leave.

No, it is not Feral Factor 2 that really bothers me to the core… it is Feral Factor 1. The intimaybe… When I wrote this I was still conversing with Paris; and that day he threw me off completely with his observations. He had managed to learn and observe my behaviour and even called me on some actions I subconsciously do… and I was blown away. I remember mention it to him, how I was shocked and awed of his indepth knowledge of me, almost intimate… yet we had never exchanged anything above a gaze or a hug. His response? “What… that someone listens to you and pays attention to you?” Apparently I am a person he likes and sticks in his mind… to him my smile “will light up the sky” and that objects “pale in comparison” to me… but I’m still not enough for him to cross the fence and join me in my world, or let me loose into his.

It is because of these factors, among other things, that each relationship ended or each relationship failed to begin. The underlying uncertainty of oneself and of others drove each person to act and react the way they did; and although I am not excusing their behaviour and any other persons similar behaviour… now I can sort of understand why this happens so that next time, maybe it won’t happen again. An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure.

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~ by Carrie on November 3, 2006.

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