It’s Just A Little Crush…

Wanted: An object simply to crave…

As the title suggests, I have a crush. Well, this isn’t news. I’ve had this particular crush for oh… 3 years now? Yeah, three years. The entire concept of this crush is ridiculous; I am 21 and the term crush is usually reserved for pre-teens and adolescents who are too embarrassed to admit when they like someone in fear of the repercussions … however I think we’re all just big kids at heart, so although I am admitting to the world of a crush I have, I’m still going to keep his name somewhat hidden. For those of you who know me, you probably know who I am talking about, but either way, I have to protect the innocent… ie me. Does anybody else remember when crushes used to be fun, and you didn’t have so many things to think about except your dream wedding with that person and the happy life you’d lead?

Anyway, on with my story: I have a crush on a certain athlete (every woman’s prerogative, of course!), let’s call him “Charlie”. Now “Charlie” plays for a local professional team in my city, a city that just happens to worship this team through good times and sometimes even through bad times. I first laid sights on “Charlie” when I was a bright-eyed 17 year old attending a rookie-tournament with my father and brother, as I was raised right to first appreciate the beauty of the sport and then the beauty of the players. He did not stand apart from the rest of the team at that particular moment; however there was this glimmer of excellence behind those lovely blue eyes that showed drive, passion and perseverance, all very attractive features in a man. Not to mention that after I got home and Google’d his photograph, well, off the ice he is just as pleasing to look at. Afterwards, I was hooked. I officially had my latest celebrity crush, thinking it would be similar to all the other celebrity crushes I’ve had in my short life.

Except this time I guess, it was meant to be different. “Charlie” is about… 2 years older than I am, so 23. Ok… usually I tend to fall for older men, meaning I’d solidify the fact that I simply have no chance in hell. “Charlie” also spends the majority of his time in this city… as do I. Ok… usually I tend to fall for men who have absolutely no geographic proximity to me at any point in my life. “Charlie”, being the typical 23 year old, oh except with millions of dollars, endorsements and women throwing themselves at him, goes out and enjoys the bar scene in this city. Ok… I am known to sometimes dabble in the cirque that is the bar and club scene downtown or in the West end… I guess what I am trying to say is, this is my first celebrity crush where I actually have a chance to meet “Charlie”, maybe even say a word or two.

However, and yes, there is always a however, it’s really not that simple. I’m not saying I am a celebrity, famous or even important in the grander sense of things. But I do know important people, and I do represent important people at times. These important people happen to know people who know “Charlie”. Hmm…. this puts quite the damper on my little crush. How so, you ask?

I had a recent (and very frustrating) chance that I had chosen not to take which would have ended up with me meeting “Charlie” at an intimate (read: small) location. After regaling this story to my girl friends, all of whom shared in my pain, I got to thinking about this crush in the grand sense of things and about how, as much as I would like to act on my impulses regarding “Charlie”, in reality I really can’t.

Allow me to explain: given the chance I would gladly make out with “Charlie” in a closet, or out in the open, whatever. Except I know that I’ll never get that chance, not because I am not pretty enough or I do not know the right people, but because my mind will always get in the way. First of all, when I mention this crush to my girl friends most automatically assume that I want to meet “Charlie” just so I can sleep with him and that is not true… for the most part. I generally like to know a person first hand before sleeping with them, and really all I know about “Charlie” comes from 2nd hand sources, or a friend of a friend of a friend of a guy who knows him. It really is the equivalent of sleeping with a perfect stranger who happens to be famous. If he wasn’t famous, would you sleep with him right off the bat? No, I didn’t think so. “Charlie” may be young, hot, successful and wealthy, but he’s still a person and not all twenty-something female-fans are so quick to give it up… or at least I am not. To any and all twenty-something and thirty-something female fans who can meet an athlete at a bar, go home with them and think nothing of it; good on you, and I am not be factious. I personally am not strong enough or secure enough to do so; and what’s not for me may be exactly what the next person finds appealing. Happy is she who follows her own path. Mine just happens to take me away from suddenly sleeping with “Charlie” if I ever meet him.

Now because of obstacle number one it wouldn’t be so simple afterwards, hence obstacle number two. Under normal circumstances regarding celebrity athletes a fuck-and-flake is perfectly acceptable; you sleep together and never see each other again, or maybe once or twice at the bar. Oh no… it is not so for me. See “Charlie” happens to know and be around people that I know, and not just any people. Remember those important people I mentioned? Yeah; them. Can you say awkward? Because I can say that would be totally humiliating and really not worth the fleeting pleasure of an I-know-you-but-it’s-still-a-one-night-stand-kinda-thing.

Finally, the obstacle I currently find myself in, the third and most common obstacles to crushes is that secret crushes hardly ever stay that way. I can safely say that an entire community well known to the people who know “Charlie” is fully aware of my school-girl crush. I don’t care how old you are or how mature you are perceived to be; I already feel a slight twinge of embarrassment just thinking about how I’d be introduced should I ever get the chance to meet “Charlie”. It’s true that when you’re introducing people you should add in a fact about them, like “she’s studying this”, or “he does that”… but for some reason judging on the reactions I’ve gotten from this community the introduction would probably go a little like this: “Oh this is Carrie, she’s had a thing for you for ages!!” All in all I guess

You know, for something once so simple like a crush, I’ve managed to make this pretty complicated. The more plausible your day-dreams are to come true, the closer you get to realize the fantasy, the closer you get to the reality of having to think about your actions, or non-actions in my case, which can be quite the task when you are actually given your daydreams on a silver platter or satine sheets. So all of a sudden after having to think about “Charlie” actually being present in my life with all the people I know… My crush … sucks. I mean, so long as you don’t think about them crushes are a lot of fun but in the end “Charlie” is just another guy, like Paris, that I can’t seem to be able to get without complications.

If I think about it, and I obviously do, this crush of mine is kind of discouraging. I mean, one of the pleasures of a crush or a dream is the hope that one day it may come true. So in short, thanks to me thinking things through about the chances of me actually meeting “Charlie”, that crush has been effectively… well, crushed


~ by Carrie on August 5, 2006.

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