The Nice Guy…

Is there really hidden treasure buried underneath the guys you call “friends”?

I recently caught myself saying those words that every twenty-something girl says to her friends when faced with a surprisingly common problem. It is something I am sure every woman in her life has said to her friends, her family, or even her boyfriend to describe a “nice guy” in her life. Those words are “we’re just friends”. The problem is I found myself rejecting a great guy, a co-worker actually, simply because we are, in my opinion “just friends”. Unfortunately I found out that I was wrong.

Twenty-something girls, at least us “Manolo lights”, seem to be doing this all backwards. We are attracting the “nice guys”, the guys who call you when they say they will, who talk to your face on a date instead of your chest, who buy you coffee or lunch without expecting a glorious make-out session afterwards that he can brag about to his buddies or anyone who will listen. They are cute, kind and oh so available. The kind of guys who will go shopping with you without complaining, who don’t care if you answer the door in sweats, who see you for who you are and love you regardless. And in return, we label them as our “friends” and run to them when the assholes we actually date show their true colours. But for some reason we don’t want them. They are the kind of guys we love to hang out with, but we don’t hang out with them because we love them. No… We hang out with them because “we’re just friends”.Why do we do that? Why don’t we date the nice guys?

The rationales I’ve heard over the years are as follows: “… Don’t want to ruin our friendship” … “It would be too weird…” “He is like a brother to me…” and so forth. It’s as if twenty something girls and guys would rather have their hearts broken by the toxic players than date a “nice guy” or a “nice girl”, yet claim to want exactly what the “nice guys/girls” are. Why are we looking for that special someone who is right in front of our faces? Why are we unwilling to take a chance on a “nice guy”?

They say that “nice guys finish last” and you know what, they do. “Nice guys” don’t take as many chances with women, be they “Manolo-females” or “Manolo lights” as the toxic players and even when they do they’re labeled as our “friends”. They finish last because they put themselves last and in turn, we put them last too. As much as we want a “nice guy”… we don’t. Or at least that is the message we are sending our “nice guys”; that if you want us, stop being nice. Then there really would be no nice guys left. But they don’t stop. Real “nice guys” remain “nice guys”, even when faced with rejection. Maybe one day, they think, we’ll realize that although our “nice guy” is good as a friend, he’s even better as a lover. That he may not be what we are looking for at the moment, but if given a chance he just might be?

My co-worker is the classic “nice guy”. He has a successful career, his own place and fantastic ambitions. He is funny, kind and really sweet. I’d be hard pressed to describe him without calling him a “nice guy” because that is exactly what he is. However, I just can’t get myself to like him as anything more than as a friend. Why, when faced with a perfectly wonderful guy whom my girl friends would date in a second, I can’t because he has that “just friends” label and I end up doing nothing. I know that this particular “nice guy” would treat me like a princess, I just can’t get over that “nice guy” hump.

Maybe “nice guys” are destined to always finish last. I wonder if I’ll ever be able to say that my “nice guy” finished last because he makes sure I finish first.

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~ by Carrie on June 2, 2006.

One Response to “The Nice Guy…”

  1. everything you said is 100% true!

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