My place or … your parents?

When I said I’d go home with you, I didn’t mean literally.

At first I thought this was a blip, something so out of the ordinary that it managed to stick out in my mind. I had heard about one or two examples before but each individual had a perfectly good reason for being in this situation. Except I kept hearing more and more examples coming out of the woodwork, prompting me to stop and take notice. Another interesting thing I have noticed about the new breed of twenty-something men, that is they are more than happy to move and live at home after university.

Now I am not one to judge, but doesn’t that seem a little off? I can understand a quick lay-over, a stop in between university and real life, but when the lay-over becomes an extended vacation what does the twenty-something female do? It’s one thing to have male-friends who are living at home after university, but it’s another thing to date a guy who is living at home after university.

I had been seeing this 24 year old with a masters degree from an accredited university in Canada. He had recently moved back home because he felt that getting an apartment before getting a job was counterproductive, and I agreed. At first I didn’t think it would affect me as much, but after a few months it started to when it was quite apparent that he was not interested in moving out. Granted I do have to admit living at home has its obvious benefits, but so does living on your own. I mean, it is one thing when you are 17 and dating, when it’s ok to bring your date or your girlfriend/boyfriend back to your parents house when they aren’t home or if they are home if you are feeling risky to sneak around and make out. But it’s another thing when you’re 24. As a 21 year old girl, it didn’t feel right. So why does it feel right to a 24 year old guy?

I was recently speaking to a realtor who mentioned to me that more and more young, single twenty-something girls are buying their own place, sometimes with the help of their parents and sometimes as ‘just me’. She has her degree, like the modern man, except she seems more interested in pursing her independent adult life by continuing to live on her own. It’s as if the twenty-something girl is taking on the role formerly dominated by guys post-university; buying a house, a car, neither of which are or were her parents. Twenty-something guys, however, are taking on the role formerly dominated by girls post-university; being at home and relying on his parents before leaving when he is ready… Or when he is kicked out.

I think the problem lies with the fact that what men are looking for and what women are looking for has changed. The twenty-something female is looking for a partner, an equal. She isn’t waiting for a man to enter her life for it to begin, so someone who is willing to fit into her already-established life. The twenty-something man, so it seems, is looking for his mother or at least someone kind of like his mother which explains why he is so content, even happy with moving back home at 23, 24, 25… And leaving… Well, when will he leave?

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~ by Carrie on May 15, 2006.

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